Irish Shabby Charlotte and no cancer!!!!!

A little Irish Shabby Charlotte.  This one I made for my granddaughter Charlotte.  I started making these dolls with the idea that I would make her one for each holiday this year.   But I have more ideas for dolls for her than holidays.  I want to make her a little Czech Charlotte, a "one sock" Charlotte, a mermaid Charlotte . . . I'm sure I will think of more. 

This little Shabby Charlotte is all Irish. She is a happy little doll who loves to smile and laugh. She is very proud of her green eyes. She likes to have tea parties with yummy sweet treats, but also likes green vegetables. In fact she likes everything green. Her favorite holiday is St. Patrick’s Day - of course. She believes in leprechauns and hopes that maybe someday she will get close enough to one to invite him to one of her tea parties. Little Irish Charlotte is very lucky . . . so keep her close to you and maybe you will be lucky too.

This is my favorite little Irish Charlotte!

* * * * *

I don't know if I really believe in luck . . . but I am feeling very blessed and lucky after seeing my oncologist on Monday and getting the results from my PET scan.  NO MELANOMA! 

If you know anything about melanoma - you know that is wonderful news.  If you don't really know about melanoma - get online and read about it, wear sunscreen, limit your time in the sun, and STAY OUT OF TANNING BEDS!  If there is someone you care about who uses tanning beds - tell them to stop! 

I do have a tumor on my adrenal gland.  I have another test to determine what type of tumor it is . . . and I may possibly need to have my adrenal gland removed.  Not anywhere near as serious as if it had been melanoma. 

I'm glad it is all over . . . happy . . . relieved. 

Random Stuff . . .

Richard surprised me with this little Lucky Cat when we were out shopping one day.

PINK!

Just snapped some pictures in my craft room today . . . nothing special - just stuff . . . that I like, that I'm sentimental about, that I use, just things that are ME.  Organized chaos might be a good description of this room . . . but it is my chaos and I know where everything is.  I tend to just hang or set something somewhere - and there it stays.  It tends to be a room that gets messy . . . but when I am busy making a doll or something - it doesn't seem to matter. 

My last post was about Jake's Coach shoes.  I'm not much into things like Coach shoes or designer names . . . I was more excited about the box.  LOL . . . I have a thing for boxes and this one I liked.  It is now the perfect box for holding photos.

Every craft room needs a wine fridge . . . right?

I couldn't throw this wine bottle out .  The wine wasn't very good - but liked the label . . . PINK even.

I was going to have Richard drill a hole in the bottom of it for me - and put a string of lights in it - but instead he bought me a candle holder for the top of it.  (I think I remember a bitch from 2008.)

I have to fix this little doll that my mom dressed in a little Czech outfit.  My mom made wonderful doll clothes.  She used to pick up old dolls here and there and make new clothes for them.  This one is one of my favorites . . . but her head is actually broken and I need to figure out the best way to fix her.  I really don't think gluing her head on is the best answer.

Lily wasn't home for Easter . . . so we gave her her Easter gift late.  She loves to work with Papa in the garage . . . so we took one of the boxes that Richard makes and turned it into a tool box for her.  I was hoping for a quick easy coat of paint - but the spray paint leaked and dripped . . . I finally handed it over to Luke and he used three different colors of paint . . . roughed it up a bit and it turned out cute.  Now she has her own hammer, level, and measuring tape - PINK even.  She's coming over this weekend to work with Papa.

A little heart from Richard while at our favorite pizza place last night.  Let's see . .. does this mean he loves me or the beer?  It came with a smile and a wink - I will take it as he loves me.

I have been somewhat anxious this week . . . waiting for Monday to get here so I can get the results of my PET scan.  I know worrying doesn't help - I've had a couple bad days . . . being busy at work has helped.  Richard and the kids have helped the most.  Really when it comes down to it - no matter what the results come back as . . . it is all about the people I love and the life I choose to live from here on.  I choose happiness, I choose my marriage and my family, I choose my wonderful friends who have gotten me through the best and worst of times . . . I choose to do more of the things I like to do and less of the things that are not really that important.  I choose kindness . . . I choose to be passionate about things that matter to me . . . I choose to try to be the person God intended me to be.

I went through a period of time where my life was not what I expected it to be . . . I came through it stronger and more sure of what I wanted than ever before.  I will be me . . . I will not waste time worrying about people and things I can't control . . . and I will not put up with bullshit. 

LOL . . . Enough said for tonight.  Here's to a great tomorrow . . . and it's Friday!!!!!!

Look and Listen . . .

I have a few daily devotionals.  I can't say I am always good about reading them daily, but when I do they make such a difference.  When I reach for them because I need them . . . they can make all the difference.  I can't tell you how many times I have picked them up when I have been struggling with something and I read that days devotional and it is exactly what I need.  God talks to us . . . we just have to listen.  Today was one of those days . . .

I mentioned in an earlier post that I had to have a CT scan.  I had my appointment with the oncologist today - decided to read this daily devotional this morning . . .

     You wonder if it is a blessing or a curse to have a mind that never rests.  But you would rather be a cynic than a hypocrite, so you continue to pray with one eye open and wonder:

                                     about starving children

                                     about the power of prayer

                                     about Christians in cancer wards . . .

     Tough questions.  Throw-in-the-towel questions.  Questions the disciples must have asked in the storm.  All they could see were black skies as they bounced in the battered boat . . .

     Then a figure came to them walking on the water.  It wasn't what they expected . . . They almost missed seeing the answer to their prayers.

     And unless we look and listen closely, we risk making the same mistake.  God's lights in our dark nights are as numerous as the stars, if only we'll look for them.

This is what I needed to be reminded of today.

  Life isn't always what we expect it is going to be . . . but I know the hardest things that I have had to go through have made me the strongest.  They have made me understand that I have to trust God to take care of things his way . . . that isn't always easy for me - I like knowing what is going to happen and I like some control of my life, but like I said life isn't always what we expect it is going to be . . .  

My CT scan showed that my lungs were clear.  (melanoma tends to spread to the lungs, brain, or liver).  So that was good news.  I also found out today that it can spread to the adrenal glands.  The CT scan showed that I have a nodule on one of my adrenal glands.  It could possibly be benign - but because of the enlarged lymph nodes and the size of the nodule the oncologist is somewhat concerned . . . I really prefer to see my oncologist smiling and nodding - rather than frowning and shaking his head . . . anyway he ordered a PET scan.  I thought I would be having it done in a few days - but thanks to insurance companies needing 5-6 working days to approve things like that I have to wait a little longer.  The good news - I will get more definite answers as to what is going on.  I'm not very good with the waiting part . . . I'm working on that . . . 

So this is one of those times when I have to look for God's lights - and trust in him

 and count the blessing that I have -  EVERY DAY!

and make the most of EVERY DAY!

and be silly, and say I love you, and forgive, and dance and sing,

and see the beauty in everything around me . . . and so much more. 

We think we have so much time . . . but the truth is we never know that for sure.

Shabby Charlotte Doll - Susan . . .

I wrapped up a shabby little gift today . . . Shabby Charlotte Doll - Susan.  A gift for a very special woman that I know.  She really is a remarkable person!

Shabby Susan has a little sewing bag that she carries . . .

 . . . and her own little pin cushion.

Susan is a little doll as sweet as they come.  She is very thoughtful and believes in being kind.  She also has a strong side to her – that gets things done.  She really enjoys a cup a black tea and on occasion will treat herself to a margarita.  She loves to sew  . . . and carries a spool of thread and a button in her bag just in case she needs them.  Susan has been known to work too hard . . . so she comes with a little purple flower pin to remind her to stop and smell the flowers and to take time for herself.

When I first started dressing this doll - I didn't like here.  (I do that quite often.)  But after I keep trying different ribbons . . . laces . . . charms . . . and whatnot - they usually come together and by the time I write their little story - I end up liking the doll.  I think I had a hard time with this one - because it was for someone special and I wanted it to be a certain way. 

This weekend I have to make another voodoo doll (a boy doll having something to do with hot sauce . . . I'm still thinking about that one).  I have to make a cowgirl doll and a grey haired knitter/seamstress doll.  I am going to be busy.  I have a couple more orders on top of that and I have some ideas for an Easter doll.  I think I better lock myself in my room . . .

I have one more week until Spring Break!!!!!!

* * * * * * * *

On a completely different subject - I had an appointment with my oncologist today.  When I saw him back in December - he found a swollen lymph node under my arm.  This time it was bigger and there is also one in my other armpit.  It has been about a year and a half since I had surgery to remove melanoma . . . because of that - he ordered a CT scan.  I will have that done on Tuesday, and then go back and see him next Friday.  So this is one of those things I have to turn over to God . . . Maybe being busy making dolls is exactly what I need to keep my mind off of it this week. 

If God Brings You To It. He Will Bring You Through It.

I picked up some buttons, a rusty old key, and this cute wool heart pin at an antique store last week.  I also found a couple of old suitcases that I will get a picture taken of this weekend and post about.  I found a place to set them - but the light never seems to be good when I am home to get a good picture taken.  I thought this key would be great on a Shabby Charlotte doll.



Rainy Sunday

I'm enjoying my last day of vacation - back to work tomorrow.  It has been great having two weeks off.  I had hoped to get more done - but that is normal for me.  The important thing is I enjoyed the time off - and as much as I love being home . . . it will be fine to go back to work tomorrow.  It helps that I like my job and love the people I work with.  It is cold and rainy here today.  I have a pot of chili on the stove and enjoying the coziness of being inside crocheting, sewing, and cooking.

A couple of more things my mom sent to me.  This is her first communion dress . . .

. . . and this linen sewing bag that I have always loved.  I am not sure where it came from - but mom always had it hanging somewhere in her sewing room.  It might be fun to make some of these.

I have been shabbying up doll bodies.  When I pull them out of the oven . . . I always think of tanning beds.  I was diagnosed with melanoma last year (I was extremely lucky - my dermatologist caught it early).  I wish I had know more about melanoma before that. . . I would have NEVER used a tanning bed.  I didn't use them very often - usually about one month out of the year.  If you know someone who tans in a tanning bed - please tell them to stop.  If they don't take you serious . . . then read up on melanoma, pass on the information, and scare the shit out of them.  OK . . . that's my little anti-tanning blurb . . . but please - take it serious.

I am taking my shabby little doll bodies and have some ideas for Valentine dolls, maybe a hippy doll, and I really want to make some more zombies.  I also think that one of them needs gray hair . . . with all those ideas in my head . . . I wish I wasn't going back to work tomorrow.

3 month check-up

Me sitting at the dermatologist yesterday . . . back for my 3 month check up.  She biopsied two moles again. (Better safe than sorry).  As much as I have tried to stay out of the sun - and wear sunscreen, I can still see the tan lines on my feet from my flip flops.  (I guess I need to be even more careful).  As always - I will be glad to get the results back from the biopsies.

Looking forward to the weekend and the last week of school.  Oh yeah - love the color of my toenails!

Melanoma Awareness!

May is Melanoma Awareness Month. 

I am one of those people that love the sun.  And even though I knew it was not good for me - I would also use a tanning bed about a month or so each winter because it made me feel better and I liked being tan.  I would justify this by telling myself it was only for one month out of the year . . . and of course denial (yes, I am aware of skin cancer - but that won't happen to me.)   Well . . . I wasn't really aware at all . . . and yes, it did happen to me.

I just noticed that the moles on my stomach remind me of the big dipper . . . and I have a slight sunburn going on in this picture (from the looks of it - I am pretty sure I was tanning in a tanning bed at this time - shame on me), anyway - among those moles there is a pink spot.  I had been talking about seeing a dermatologist - but never made the appointment.  My husband kept at me to make the appointment and for whatever reason - I listened to him.  I now have a four inch scar where that pink spot used to be - and another scar under my left arm where the surgeon removed lymph nodes.  I WAS LUCKY!!!  The thickness of the melanoma was enough for my doctor to be concerned - yet it had not spread into my lymph nodes.  Did I mention? . . . I WAS LUCKY!!!

I think the thing that scared me the most was that my melanoma did not look like what I thought it would.  It was not a mole that had changed.  In fact I never had this spot until after tanning in a tanning bed a couple of years ago.  I am convinced that the tanning bed played into me having malignant melanoma.  I get so mad when I tell other people about this (who tan in tanning beds) - and they don't take it serious.  They continue to go to the tanning salon - thinking it won't happen to them.  These same people would not smoke cigarettes because they cause lung cancer - or don't microwave their food in plastic because they have heard it can cause cancer.  Really????

I could go on with details and statistics . . . but will post these links

http://www.mela-know-more.org/

http://www.aimatmelanoma.org/en/index.html

I urge anyone and everyone to find out what they can about melanoma and spread the word.  After being diagnosed with melanoma - I of course got on the Internet to get information.  I also found personal blogs of people who were fighting a battle with melanoma.  I began following some of these blogs - and the people and their famlies - and I can remember when it really hit me . . . the seriousness of this disease . .  . I would go to a blog - and discover that the battle was lost - a person had died. 

3 month check up

Yesterday was my 3 month appointment with my dermatologist.  I am now waiting on the results of 4 more biopsies.  So I will worry again until I get the results.  I really try not to worry - but seem to anyway.  I don't even know if worry is the right word to use.  It is more like melanoma is always floating around somewhere in my thoughts - so when I have a biopsy- it brings it all back again.  I was shocked the day I got the call that they had found melanoma - I never expected to hear that. (I guess no one ever does)  But now - I know that it could happen again.  I guess I have read too many stories where someone is diagnosed with melanoma and they are told that all of it was removed and it hasn't spread - then later - they find themselves dealing with this disease all over again. 
People tell me to quit reading so much about it. . . and maybe I should, but I read someones blog this morning - who talked about the same worries that I have - and it made me realize that it helps me to talk about my worries and concerns and that the more I read and get information and answers - the more it helps me.  My dermatologist is wonderful and takes the time to answer all of my questions and explains exactly why she biopsies something.  I do hope one day to go to an appointment without her taking a piece of me for testing - but I appreciate that she takes it serious enough to check everything. 
I know my personality - I'm going to worry sometimes . . .  So I may as well educate myself on this disease - and in the process I read people's stories and see how strong and amazing they are. My prayers go out to them.

on a serious note - I ramble . . .

I have always believed in God. Having been raised Catholic - I don't remember a time when I didn't believe in God.
At a young age I remember being thankful that I had my faith in God to get me through the difficult times. I also am pretty sure that I took this faith for granted - to be honest at that young age the difficult times hadn't really been that difficult.
I am not so young anymore - and like anyone I have had my share of the "crap" that life can throw at you. Sometimes it is easier to get through these times than others . . . I sure deal with things better now than I did 15-20 years ago. I believe a positive attitude and my faith in God are what get me through. Richard sometimes teases me, when I start up with my positive attitude speech - that I am from "La-La Land". (he really doesn't mean anything bad by teasing me - just his way. He actually loves my positive attitude and the strength that my faith gives me.)
So . . . where is this going? I was recently diagnosed with malignant melanoma. I was lucky - it has not spread and my doctor was able to remove the melanoma. But . . . after learning that I had melanoma . . . me being me - I had to learn everything I could about it. Little did I know . . .
I have always enjoyed being in the sun and being tan - even knowing that it could be bad for me. I found a way to rationalize being in the sun. How can something that makes me feel so good be bad for me. Being told I had melanoma completely caught me off guard - especially when I learned more about this type of cancer.
I had surgery just about two weeks ago. (my surgeon removed the melanoma and removed 3 lymph nodes in order to determine if the cancer had spread). It was during the week of waiting for the results of my biopsies - that I realized how strong my faith has become.
The past 10-15 years of my life have been full of that "crap" that life can throw at you. I have not always dealt with it the way that I should . . . by turning it over to God. But over the course of those years - I have learned to do just that . . . turn it over to God.
This past year I have faced with some very serious challenges in my life. I chose to deal with those challenges - by sticking by my values- and fighting for what I believe in, by choosing to be happy in spite of my situation, and most importantly by relying on my faith to get me through. So I had all these "Aha moments" - and life was looking pretty good. I had decided that I had spent too much time being unhappy, I had taken control of my life and happiness again.
So a few weeks ago - I make an appointment with a dermatologist. I figure at my age it can't hurt to just have everything checked out. One of the biopsies was sent for a second opinion - it looked questionable? A week later . . . malignant melanoma . . . 5 days later I had an appointment with a surgeon . . . two days later it was removed. Like I said - I was lucky - it had not spread.
I tend to prepare myself for the worst case scenario (can't help it - it is just the way I am. It drives Richard crazy.) So while I was waiting for the results of my biopsies- and thinking "worst case scenario" - I realized how strong my faith has really become. I am not without fear . . . but I will take each day as it comes, I will live life with a positive attitude - and choose to be happy, when life gets difficult - I will pray and turn it over to God, I will rely on the family and friends that God has given me, and I will draw on my faith to get me through.