Wednesday, January 23, 2019

God's timing . . .

My son Luke . . . 
Sitting here looking at this picture of him I don't even know where to start and have been going back and forth on how to share this photo.  I mentioned in an earlier post that the end of last year brought some changes.  One of those changes was my son going into rehab. 
Obviously this is very personal . . . but feeling like I want to share it. 
There are of course a lot of negative perceptions commonly associated with substance abuse and addiction.  But what about when the addict is someone you love?  What about when the addict is your child?  What about when you can see past the addiction and see the hurt and pain and it nearly kills you because you can't help? 
I have spent years trying to figure out why this happened to him.  He really was not an "at risk" kid.  I have been through guilt and embarrassment.  We tried tough love . . . We enabled him (I can be very good at that.)  I have tried to figure out where love and support ends and enabling begins.  I think anyone who has been in this situation wishes they could figure that one out. 
The last few years . . . he was trying.  I could see that he was trying, but I could also see that what he was doing wasn't going to work for the long haul.  I do believe he could see that also . . . but hadn't really faced it.  Last summer he told us he was going into a rehab.  They recommended he stay 30 days . . . he told them he wanted to do 90.  He ended up staying for 60.
He is 7 months clean and sober.  I wish I could say it was easy . . . for him . . .  and for me.  There is a reason they say . . . "One day at a time." 
I will never give up hope . . . and then there is this feeling of being afraid to get my hopes up. 
What gets him through?   Prayer and surrendering his life to God.  Does he struggle?  Yes.  Is he fighting?  Yes.  Do I worry?  Yes.  Am I learning to turn it over to God?  Yes.


So about this photo . . .
Luke has always wanted to perform his music in front of people, but never was able to get the courage up to do it.  This photo was taken a couple of weeks ago at the church he attends.  He also was a part of the worship team at another church this past week where he attends Celebrate Recovery.  I thank God every day for his recovery.  I also turn my son and his journey over to God every day.  It is his journey . . . but oh what it has taught me. 

"I am leaving you with a gift - peace of mind and heart.  
And the peace I five is a gift the world cannot give.
So don't be troubled or afraid."     ~ John 14:27

2 comments:

  1. My heart aches for what you and your family are going through. I will keep you all in my prayers. Finding strength in faith is good - stay strong.

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    1. We are all finding a lot of strength through prayer these days. Thank you Lorraine.

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