I honestly don’t think my mind is ever completely at rest . . . maybe when I am asleep, but even then I wake up with so many ideas flying through my head . . . and for some reason lately I have been having the most vivid dreams, so maybe my mind isn’t even at rest when I am asleep. I don’t mind and since I have always been this way I guess I am used to it . . . and they are such “great ideas” that keep me motivated and keep me doing the things that I love to do. What I don’t like is when I have to pay more attention to the “must do” type of things . . . instead of the more fun “I want to do and make and create and just do whatever I want to do when I want to do it” type of things.
Being a responsible adult for some time now - I have lived my life keeping all the “stuff” in my head in order, doing the “must dos” because why? . . . because I am a responsible adult and “I must”. I do find time to do the “fun” stuff . . . when I can. Let me also add that I am a nurturer and tend to take care of everyone else before myself. I think this is a good quality and simply part of who I am as a wife and mother, but I do think it got out of balance at one point. I have taken steps to get the balance back . . . but there seems to be something else stirring in me . . .
If I handled this in an over the top, extreme way like I sometimes feel like doing . . . I would once again throw everything out of balance.
I would . . .
. . . quit my job
. . . pack up and move somewhere I have never lived before – maybe Arizona or San Francisco or maybe Maine (wait it gets cold in Maine).
. . . buy a barn or warehouse and turn it into my home
. . . dye my hair purple (wait . . . I did this last summer) . . . ok - I would add some turquoise and maybe dreads
. . . I would live every day in flip flops, stay up all night, wander whenever I felt like it, have omelets and beer for breakfast every so often – or maybe cake and champagne, I would work in a bakery . . . just so I could wear a cute apron and sell pretty cupcakes . . . or maybe a used book store . . .
It isn’t that I don’t love my life . . . I do and I cannot imagine leaving it or the people in it . . . but like I said – something is stirring. So I am finding a new balance that works for me . . . and as a responsible adult I know this can be done without quitting my job or convincing Richard to turn a barn into our home. (I’m sure it wouldn’t be hard to convince him to have omelets and beer for breakfast once in awhile.)
So . . . I have some ideas . . . (lots of ideas!!!)
The only thing is when these moods hit me and I start doing “crazy” things . . . the people I love don’t always like what I do or it inconveniences them . . . and I am sometimes met with a little attitude and/or judgement. I guess where the balance comes in is when I don’t let that influence me . . . and do what is good for me.
I saw a coffee mug on Pinterest awhile back that I liked . . . Jennifer made me one just like it and surprised me with it this morning . . . which is what sort of got me thinking about the idea for this post. It may seem a little rude . . . but it isn’t meant to be. It is just a reminder that there are times I just need to do the things I need to do for me . . . and everyone can just “shut up.”